The Boy You're Looking For Isn't Real

    I've noticed a trend on social networking over the past couple of months that is solely based on dream men for young women. The popular hashtags "#ifwedate", "#dearfutureboyfriend" and other of its kind are being hashtagged to the point where I would consider it an epidemic and what it is doing more than alerting your future significant other of your wishes is destroying the chances of you ever being totally happy with the guy you're with.
    Your expectations are substantially too high. You are retweeting and obsessing over the pictures and stories of cute things that a guy has done for his girl, and letting any guy you date in the future know that those types of things are what you are looking for from him. Here's the problem, ladies. You are basing the quality of the guy you're with based on one quality from about 50 different guys. You see a photo of a guy who had his proposal video taped, and you want that. You read a story about a guy who cried when his woman came down the aisle, and you want that. You see photos of multiple different guys doing cute and spontaneous different things for multiple different girls but they expect your ONE guy to do every single one of those things for you. It isn't wrong for you to want your boyfriend to surprise you with flowers sometimes, but it is wrong to want him to bring you flowers every day, send you a cute text every morning, tell every single person he knows how wonderful you are, #wcw you every Wednesday, take you out to dinner every weekend, write you songs, dance with you in the rain and all of the other cheesy things that girls tend to believe merit the value of the relationship. You are setting your standards too high and in the end, it will lead to disappointment.
    These accounts that dedicate themselves to showing you the "perfect boy" are, in a way, like the airbrushed pictures of women that are edited and altered to "perfection". A guy looks at the picture and wants a woman as beautiful and sexy as she is, although beauty like hers is unattainable because it is fabricated. THE PERFECT BOY IS FABRICATED, TOO! A man with every single trait that girls so desperately want is completely unattainable. This is why you are friend-zoning perfect guys. It's not because you're nice, boys, it's because you're not able to become a guy that has been labeled as "perfect" by twitter accounts and romantic comedies. You can be the nicest, best looking, sweetest guy there is but if you don't send an "I know you're asleep, but..." text and record your proposal and play it at your wedding, you aren't good enough.
     Ladies, let him woo you in his own way. Stop creating a fake, impossible version of your "perfect guy" based on the thousands of nice things other guys have done for other girls. Let him show you that he doesn't have to be created out of cliches in order to be a great guy. Because right now, because of the copious amount of standards you're setting potential suitors to, you're not going to find one that meets the standards, and you're going to end up disappointed. I'm not saying set your standards low, but I'm saying don't set them so high that they're impossible to reach. I promise you, if you repeatedly get mad at your man for not being the "perfect" man you had in mind, or constantly ask him to do the things you see on the internet, it isn't going to last. Spontaneity shouldn't be scripted. He shouldn't surprise you with flowers because you told him to. If he surprises you, it should be because he wants to.
    What these standards and lists of things "perfect boyfriends would do" are doing is not letting women appreciate a guy for just  being a guy. If your boyfriend isn't nice to you, never lets him know how he feels and never does anything sweet for you, get rid of him. That should be below your standards. But you shouldn't get rid of him because he didn't write you 365 letters like Noah did, or send you an incredibly cheesy text message to wake up EVERY MORNING like someone else's boyfriend did. You can't base what you want off of what you've seen other people have, you need to let YOUR relationship be YOUR relationship and YOUR boyfriend's qualities be YOUR boyfriend's qualities, not the qualities of other people's boyfriends that you found on the internet. If you expect him to surprise you every single day, you won't actually be surprised when he does. Don't expect him to do anything except for be sweet, gentle and kind to you so when he actually does something worthy of tweeting or telling your friends about, you're actually genuinely surprised.
     What you need to do is realize that no relationship and no man is ever going to be flawless. Hashtagging and retweeting things you want isn't going to make that happen. Once you realize that and bring your expectations down a couple of notches, you will be pleasantly surprised. If your expectations are on the highest level they can go, there is no way for a man to go above and beyond. Bring it down, and give him room to go above and beyond for you. I can guarantee once your impossible standards are brought down, your overall happiness in your relationship or future relationships will go up.

In Defense of Waiting

    I would like to preface this by saying that I have absolutely no qualifications to tell you what to or what not to do, nor am I trying to sway you to believe and do what I believe and do. If you agree with the things I say, cool we aren't alone. If you disagree, maybe it can be a little bit of insight into other people's logic in a non judgmental way. If you're not sure where you stand, here's one side for you to look at. Without further adieu, here's my beliefs and opinions on waiting for sex. 

    What you have to understand about me is I think very highly of myself. Not so much in an extremely conceited way, but I think I have a lot to offer. I'm intelligent, funny and I like to believe I'm a fun person to be around. I like those things about myself and I like when other people like those things about me. However, it's hard for people to notice things beyond your body and sexuality if that's the only thing you're putting out there for people to notice. If you asked a guy up front if he would rather listen to you talk about things you're informed about or tell funny jokes/things that have happened in your life or have sex with you, he will probably chose the latter. The way around this is to not give him the second option. One of two things will happen: he will leave you, or he will begin to appreciate the things about you that don't have to do with your sexual availability. If you really think about it, how upset would you be if option one happened and he left? Really ponder that one. If a guy's only reason for leaving is because you're not having sex with him, do you actually want to spend your life with him? Ladies, the answer better be no. You are made up of SO many beautiful things, and if he's not willing to explore the beauty that is you because you aren't willing to let him explore your body out of self-respect, I promise you can do better. If you want a guy to love and appreciate the things about you that are beyond your sexuality, don't offer up your sexuality. 

    Now, that paragraph was more on a just getting to know each other basis/early dating stage. Let's say now you've been together for a long time and you're confident that he does love you for everything that you are. Now, honestly, it's based on YOU. For example, I watch bits and pieces of Ohio State football games, and I love seeing them win.... From the warmth and comfort of my couch. So, say I won season tickets that are right on the 50yd line, or something. I would probably sell them. To me, they just don't matter that much and it isn't a huge deal. But if a HUGE OSU fan who loved the team with his heart and soul won them, he wouldn't give them up or let other people touch them and their value to him would be a whole lot more than their value to me, even though they would be the same thing. In a way, our bodies are these OSU season tickets. Some people truly just don't think it's a really important thing, and that sex is just a healthy part of a relationship. To each their own, because once again, this decision is based on your beliefs and yours alone. However, some people are the die hard OSU fan who would cut off a limb to get season tickets on the 50 yard line off. To him, they are more valuable, just like to some people, their body is more valuable. I'm one of those people. I may wait until I'm in a long committed relationship, engaged or married. I think sharing your body with someone else is not only an intimate thing but an incredibly connective thing as well. You are becoming one with someone, and to me, that belongs within the confines of something more special than a couple of months. 

     Lastly, I would like to clear up a misconception. A lot of freshman/underclassmen apparently were under the impression that being in high school while being a virgin is embarrassing and an abomination, or something. As a senior who is also a virgin, and a senior who is friends with quite a few, I can promise that that is absolutely false. Honestly, if you're being judged for being a virgin, literally don't even worry about it. You are in good company. It's not shameful.

     I'm not saying wear floor length skirts and turtlenecks for guys to respect you for more than your body. I'm not saying wait until you're married to kiss someone. There's nothing wrong with flaunting off your good assets to an extent. There's nothing wrong with having fun with a guy you're into. There's even nothing wrong with having sex, if it's YOUR choice based on what YOU want. The only thing that's wrong is doing it if you don't want to. If you're having sex because a guy wants you to, or because friends are teasing you. It's YOUR body, do what YOU want with it. 

My Biggest Fear

     Halloween may be over, but the scariest thing in the world is still out there, lingering about us, looming over our heads like a deathly storm cloud. This is scarier than any horror movie, haunted house or costume you have ever seen. It is as inevitable as each passing day, and as much as we'd like to stop it, we can't. It is the fact that some of the people we are currently attending high school with will be participating members of society. If that's not enough to make you feel physical signs of fear, I don't know what will. This may sound like a joke, but I am everything but joking. This isn't as much of an insult as it is a wake up call. Try to snooze me and I'll keep calling back.

     For starters, PLEASE learn how to spell. Please. You might think I'm a grammar nazi. I know I'm not your legal guardian, nor am I your English teacher but I have my concerns. One day, presumably, you will find a job. You will be providing a service for people, and one may be me. All I'm saying is that I don't want a person who can't differentiate between "your" and "you're" providing these services for me. The bottom line is that you are failing to grasp BASIC grammatical concepts, and one day you will have to grasp even harder concepts, grammatical or otherwise. It frightens me that one day, a person who fails to see a difference between "hole" and "whole" may have to do something for me that requires responsibility and intelligence. You are my peers, and will be forever. At this point, it doesn't make much of a difference but once you are a fully engaged member of a society that I, too, am a fully engaged member of, I would like to be surrounded by intelligent people that I feel safe to put my responsibility and trust in. 

     Along with that, a lot of kids I go to school with simply just don't care. They're doing illegal things irresponsibly. I don't care if you smoke weed or drink, but don't be an idiot about it. You're 18 or below. You have the majority of your life ahead of you, so be smart. But I mean something seemingly less important when I say they don't care. A lot of students don't care at all about their academics, which makes me sound like a mother or a public speaker, but it truly concerns me. Not only are they not able to differentiate between basic homonyms, they don't care to. Learning has become so unimportant. Maybe that's because of the way our education system is run, but I think it's more because students just don't care. We learn so we can become more engaged members of society. So maybe you think government class is awful, but as someone who will be effected by the choices YOU make at some point, I would appreciate if you paid attention. Until you're preparing to enter the "real world" you don't think about it, but you will all go your seperate ways, but in the span of 4 years, all of the people in your high school will be entering with you and I would like them to be educated. I would like to have informed people voting for issues. I would like intelligent people to perform services for me, and I would like the people I am in the "real world" with to be educated. 

     Another issue is constant fighting. This paragraph's target demographic is underclassmen, but there's a select few upperclassmen it applies to as well. Constantly starting fights on social media and otherwise isn't a great way to go through high school. Not only will your malevolent, foul words be things potential employers and colleges look at when deciding whether to employ/accept you, but it's an incredible sign of disrespect. Underclassmen, lacking respect for people who are above you will one day cause more than an entertaining social

media outburst. I know you think you're cool for being in a fight with a senior or junior, but you're not. I promise you. And I fear for the day where you dislike someone above you at your workplace so much that you get demoted or fired almost as much as I look forward to it. The bottom line is that if you give respect, you will receive it back. Upperclassmen will be nice to you if you are nice to them. I assure you, however, regularly starting pointless twitter fights with upperclassmen just to provoke a response isn't the way to go. At school, we are taught math and English but we are also given the opportunity to learn how to respect people. I suggest you take it. 

     This is not meant to be an insult to anyone in particular, or even an insult at all. I'm not trying to sound like your parents, your teachers, or any member of authority. I'm speaking as a future participating member of society who fears living in a world with uneducated people. Too many terrible things happen when incredibly intelligent people are attempting to make them right, and I would rather not see what would happen when we put uneducated people in charge. I'm not saying spend your entire weekend every weekend studying. I'm not saying if someone says something mean to you to reply "it's okay. I respect you". I'm not saying go into school with an "I physically cannot be more excited to learn today" attitude. But we are given an opportunity to be educated before we enter life as fully participating citizens, and as a future fully participating citizen, I wish everyone, myself included, would grab that opportunity and take it. 

Change

   Smart phones and internet access have undoubtedly taken the very life out of us as human beings. It's difficult to walk somewhere, or even drive somewhere without seeing the vast majority of people entirely consumed by their cell phone. We think having the latest device or the coolest apps will make our lives more fulfilled when in reality, the exact opposite is happening. In fact, we are losing the ability to enjoy life because we are viewing it through the screen of a cell phone. I believe that our technology is not only making us less intelligent in terms of intellect, but in terms of simple social matters. The first step to solving a problem is admitting there is a problem, and I believe there is.
    When is the last time you came out and told someone how you felt about them... In words? It seems like ancient history. Why could you ever speak to someone whilst looking at their face when you could type out what you feel whilst looking at their contact in your phone? Why tell someone you have a problem with them when you could post something on the internet about them that you can battle out without ever having to see each other? Why give someone a compliment in person when you can just comment on their picture when you get around to it? Why truly show and act on your belief system when you could just tweet about it? The answer is that it is easier. You don't have to deal with someone rejecting you face to face, or fighting with someone in person. You don't have to step out of your comfort zone to tell someone you hardly know they look nice when you can casually like their photo. You don't have to deal with the everyday struggles of living up to the values you set yourself to when you can just post on social media how great of a person you are. I think it all boils down to fear. We are afraid of rejection, or confrontation, or looking stupid or being judged for being different so we cushion the landing of "putting ourselves out there" only over the internet or the cell phone. But the issue is we aren't putting OURSELVES out there, we're putting a fake, perfected version of ourselves out there. We have created a split between who we are on the other side of a phone screen, and who we are face to face. We're becoming two distinctly separate people. The ability to sit behind a computer screen or a cell phone screen has turned into the ability to create an entirely new persona. The problem with that is that our made up personality is taking away from the ability to have an actual personality. We don't know how to have a deep conversation with someone in person. We can't comfort our friends without spending 5 minutes deciding what to type out. We can't argue with a friend or significant other without having time to figure out what to say. We can't meet new people without first messaging them on some sort of site and getting to know their internet persona first. We are quickly losing the ability to engage in a simple conversation because we don't have the computer or phone to hide behind, or the element of time to intricately plan out every word to say. I think the other main issue is that we physically cannot be without our devices, which is a problem all in itself.
    We are no longer living. We're alive, we have beating hearts and we have the ability to move and think but we don't. We don't want to master the English language because we have autocorrect. We don't feel the need to hang out with friends all the time because we can text them. We don't feel the need to get out and live because we have the world at our fingertips. On Facebook, the bar asks how you're feeling. "Bored" is one of the most common status updates. "Bored" is one of the most common twitter updates. "Bored" is one of the most common instagram captions. Why are we so bored with "the world at our fingertips"? We buy the latest phones and apps to be entertained but we are still so bored that we have to post it for the entire world to see. That is significant evidence that the latest technology doesn't make life better. Sure, it might make it easier in some ways, but in no way does it make it more fulfilling. Why are we so bored? Because we have to sit at home alone to keep updated with social and world media. Why do we have to keep updated with social and world media? Because it keeps us interested. So why are we so bored? Because we have to sit at home alone to keep updated..... You get it. We can't have a real life conversation without checking our phone. We can't listen in class or to a presentation to check our phones. Some of us can't even drive 5 minutes without checking our phones. We define ourselves by the number of followers we have, and we define how well we are doing in life by our online persona's popularity. We're doing it horribly wrong. We're bored because we're too comfortable stalking celebrities on Twitter or taking photos for Instagram likes to get up and go out and live. No matter how boring your life or your town or your surroundings seem, I promise it's more exciting than refreshing your twitter feed 47 times in 5 minutes. We're lacking life experience because we're not willing to go out and create it. In 40 years, people are going to want to hear stories about the crazy nights you had when you were a teenager, not the evening plans of everyone you followed on Twitter. I don't have a solution, but I do know we need to make a change. We need to put our phones down and start living a life as the person we are, not the person we created online.

I'm the Gift Exchange Present Wrapped in Newspaper

   A guy walks down the street. He sees a girl with beautiful hair, gorgeous eyes and a smile that lights up a room. Her body is perfect and she walks with a certain confidence that girls yearn to have. As she walks by, the guys glance stays glued to her until she disappears into a crowd of people who are subpar to her. There is a 100% chance that that girl is not me. 

   No matter how many relatives tell me I'm beautiful, how many friends tell me I'm pretty and how many of my mom's friends comment on her Facebook pictures of me "gorgeous :-)", I have not, do not and will not ever stop traffic with my looks. And that's not to say I'm lacking in self confidence. I'm surely NOT, in fact, I have a lot more self confidence than I probably should have. But as a gift wrapped in newspaper is looked over to the gifts in beautiful wrapping paper, men simply look over me and at the beautiful bitch who was born flawless. 

    At gift exchanges, there is always that lazy ass participant who wanted nothing to do with the exchange, so he/she grabbed last Sunday's paper and tossed their gift in it and taped it in 3 or 4 spots. It lays in the middle of the floor as things are opened, the last gift to be chosen as always. In my own personal experience, one time the gift that was unveiled when the last person was obligated to choose the gift was a pooper scooper. One time it was high quality, soft heated blanket. I like to think of myself as the quality heated blanket. 

   Sometimes, when there's a less than perfect person and someone delves into their personality, you find out that his or her personality is just about as dull as their exterior. Sometimes they just have nothing going for them. Sometimes you discover that this person is literally a personified rock. They are the pooper scooper. But sometimes, someone will look past the huge box that is wrapped in solid gold, or the gift bag filled with endless opportunities, and open the gift wrapped in 1998's obituaries and unveil a really funny, cool individual who may not look like a sculpted statue of perfection on the outside but has a personality that's worth it anyway. That's how I see myself. I'm the high quality heated blanket wrapped in newspaper. 

   The gift wrapped in solid gold wrapping paper will inevitably be opened first. It catches the eye. It holds a stare. But sometimes you open it to find that your uncle forgot a gift so he wrapped up an old, broken picture frame that says "our precious baby boy" and a dirty old lampshade. Sometimes, the perfect thing on the outside doesn't match the contents within. 

   The beautiful wrapping paper and the newspaper all have something in common: they get ripped to find what lies within. (Unless you're one of those people who saves rapping paper by delicately opening the gift and not tipping  anything and in that case you're irrelevant and we all hate you). In the long run, it's not going to matter if who has the prettier eyes or the hotter body, what's going to matter is if you end up with a pooper scooper and a lampshade or a soft, warm blanket that everyone ends up wishing they had. 

  So maybe you're a solid gold wrapped pooper scooper. Maybe you're a newspaper wrapped stack of cash. I like to think that my hilarious personality is not accurately reciprocated in my external features, but I know one day someone will decide to look past all of the beautiful exteriors and open a gift wrapped in newspaper. Or one day the unlucky soul who drew number 37 ends up obligated picking me. Who knows. But don't judge a book by its cover, because sometimes there's a really dull cover and you're unable to but the book down, and sometimes the book had sweet cover art but is about differentiating between different types of soil. 

4 Types of Parents We All Know & Hate

There's something to be said about parents. We, as children, can be high maintenance, needy and ultimately a pain in the ass. So shout out to parents for all that you do. But parents aren't always the stereotypical soccer moms and working dads who put dinner on the table at 5 o'clock, make us do school work before we watch TV and know how to handle themselves in public. So, without further hesitation, here are the 4 parents that we all know and hate.

1.) The Viciously Aggressive Parent at Recreational Sporting Events 

  I understand that in high school, college, and even middle school there will be an athletic event of your child's that will leave you screaming at an official or another player because of the game. I understand that you want your child to win the game, and do their best. But Lord have mercy, I think one time or another all of us have been exposed to the mother or father of a seven year old child innocently dashing down the field or court while their mother or father screams at an official as if the minor foul he didn't call was the difference between life and death. The worst kind of psychotic athletic parent is the kind who tells at their child. "Make a damn shot!" "Catch the damn ball!" "You suck!" Are not things that should be screamed at your child under most circumstances, but certainly not to your toddler or elementary schooler who is playing on a recreational sports team for fun. I think there should be a law instated that says if a parent is screaming at their athlete who is under the age of 12 it is perfectly legal to stand up and drop kick them in the throat. 

2.) The Parent Who Lives Vicariously Through Their Child 

   This type of parent goes along with the first because generally this is the reason that they have no self control at athletic events, but this topic is more vague. It is good to want your child to succeed, but not if you want him or her to succeed because you were unable to. Lets say mom was an absolute champ at synchronized swimming. And before her final competition she broke her neck, or something, and her dreams crumpled in her fingertips. Then she gives birth to a daughter and wants to raise her to become the ultimate synchronized swimmer, BECAUSE SHE WASN'T ABLE TO. Maybe you weren't on the honor roll in high school so you force your child to be the best. What you need to realize is that just because your child came out of you, your child is not you. And you need to let go of your past failures and let your child do what they want. (Unless its dealing crack and injecting heroin because then you should probably step in.)

3.) The Parent Who Is Mentally In High School

   We all want to feel like we belong. We all want to be able to relate to society. But when you're a 47 year old woman trying to wear clothing from Abercrombie & Fitch, or participating in photo challenges on Instagram, you probably need to cool it and realize that this isn't your generation. That's all.

4.) The Parent of The Harlot

    ARE YOU EVEN THERE? DO YOU EVEN EXIST? Were you there in the morning when your daughter put on the skirt that you can see her vagina in? Are you unaware that your daughter is an actual walking STD? I understand befriending your child and not wanting to upset him or her, but when your daughter is open for business 24/7 and your sons missile is prepared to launch into any woman with a pulse, maybe you should put your foot down! 

So there's the 4 parenting types we all know. Favorite this on twitter if you liked it. Or don't. I don't care. And also if you could let me know what you'd like me to write about next it would be appreciated greatly. Thanks fans (the 4 of you who read this)