20 Ways You Know You Went to/ Go To Big Walnut

1.) You've become a pro at staying in the middle of your walkway, because you know the second you slide over to the edge your entire shoulder is going to be torn to shreds by the walls. 

2.) You have grown used to random loud noises out of nowhere, due to the tri-monthly fire drills from shop accidents.

3.) You have considered yourself "rebellious" for wearing leggings to school. 

4.) You have to hesitate a second before addressing Mr. Felkey to avoid accidentally slipping and calling him "Flanders" or "Felk-dog".

5.) You've learned to embed yourself into a sea of people at school dances so you don't get suspended for putting your hands on your knees.

6.) You've sustained some fairly serious injuries from aggressively pushing people around during drumline.

7.) "John Lankford" is no longer just a person, but a genre of dance.

8.) You know you can get sent home and receive a detention for your shoulders showing but a kid can take his shirt off and hump the floor to Miley Cyrus in front of the entire school and receive no punishment.

9.) The words "Fulford" and "aliens" go hand in hand, no questions asked.

10.) You have a crush on someone with the last name of Ruark, either the teacher or the councelor depending on your gender and sexual orientation.

11.)  You can pretend all you want, if you didn't go to Souders you kind of wish you did. (Maybe a little biased, but no.)

12.) The epitome of your road rage happens within the parking lot of the high school.

13.) You could need a personal sized fan to prevent you from sweating through your shirt and a snowsuit to prevent frostbite in the same day depending on where you're at in the school.

14.) If the basement doesn't smell like formaldehyde, it smells bad in an entirely different way that you can't even place.

15.) You have wondered on more than one occasion if it's even sanitary to drink the water from the drinking fountain.

16.) The science lab in the basement, aka the smallest computer lab in the world, was one of the most dreaded places for your class to travel.

17.) You move more stealthily past the teacher on lunch line duty to exceed the 5 person limit than you would had you just robbed a bank.

18.) You have used every piece of furniture (booth, chair, couch) in the library as a bed at some point or another.

19.) It doesn't matter if your football team wins or loses every game, you'll still paint your entire body and cheer like hell.

20.) No matter how much you complain about it, you wouldn't have rather recieved your diploma from any other place. 

life story, i guess

So here you are again, crying on your floor to Taylor Swift and dumping sprinkles into your mouth after eating a bite of ice cream to achieve the perfect ratio. Here you are again, wondering what went so horribly wrong that you're sad and alone again. Here you are again, trying to convince yourself to pull yourself up just once more.

This time was different. He didn't just leave you or hurt you, he pretended you didn't exist. Like the last 4 months meant nothing. Like, because he was caught in a lie, the best way to salvage himself was to pretend like you were nothing. We were nothing. 

So my question is, how many people need to be involved for it to be a memory? Because I remember the way my insides lit up like the fourth of July when you complimented my mind, telling me I was brilliant. I remember the look on your face when you couldn't help yourself but to kiss me goodbye that Thursday night. I remember you telling me you wanted me, that we could be together, that I mattered. I remember pulling into my driveway at 1:42, twelve minutes late, and not caring about the trouble I could get into because I finally got to hold your face and kiss you. I remember you remembering that I put the pizza in the oven while it preheats. I remember pulling away 10 times before we finally stopped kissing each other. I remember you telling me that your mom asks who is making you smile so much when you're texting me. I remember being mad, telling you to make it easy on me and tell me I never mattered to you and you saying "I can't because that isn't true". I guess I got what I wished for. I never mattered to you.

But if those memories are only alive inside of me, are they there? That's what I need to know. Do you feel good about yourself, knowing you've thrown me aside because I was no longer convenient to you? Do you sleep soundly knowing that I'm tossing and turning, wondering if you're tossing and turning and wondering about me? Did I wear off?

I don't think I did. I think you can attempt to wash me off of you, I think you can attempt to rid yourself of me, but I still think you'll think of me. I think you don't want to, and I think you think if you push me far enough away (maybe that's why you blocked me on Instagram), you'll forget what we had. The chemistry we both admittedly felt. And that will make you feel more like a decent human being. Someone who doesn't set fires and then walk away as they burn. 

The memories are alive inside of me. No one has to believe them. No one has to vouch for you standing next to me during the fireworks, together beneath a sky on fire. No one else has to remember the feeling of finally kissing in a grocery store parking lot. No one has to understand the happiness I felt when everyone around that bonfire was trying to get you to be with me, and you saying you didn't know why you weren't. I suppose I can remember for the both of us. I'll continue to scroll through our conversations, starting 21 weeks ago when I told you to read Crime and Punishment and ending a couple of days ago when I was no longer crucial to your happiness. When I was no longer a convenience to you. I'll continue to wonder what I did wrong. 

But I need to remember, I did nothing wrong. I fell for a person who not only wasn't ready to catch me, but who was prepared to throw me off a cliff. And now, I have to remember to get back up. And remembering you will help me. I will remember the way my face lit up when you'd say something sweet to me. I will remember my heart skipping a beat and a half when you kissed me. I will remember the feeling of feeling wanted. And I will remind myself that if I stay here, shattered on the ground where you left me, I'll never find that with someone who deserves me. Who will make me light up but never let me fade out. Someone who will make my heart skip beats forever. Someone who will want me. Someone who will give me the most unadulterated happiness in the world, and make me the best and brightest version of myself. 

So I'll listen to crappy music and cry while I eat my body weight in snack foods, but not for long. I will pull myself up, and thank you for making me strong. For making me realize, yet again, I can overcome. I am better than what I've been given. And I will think about you and that will give me the strength to push forward. And I know that when it's 3am and you're all alone, you'll roll over and wish you could talk to me again. 

You Are Not Guaranteed

Tell people how you feel. Don't rely on them to make the first move. Tell the people you think are beautiful that you think they are beautiful. Ask that person that you've been wanting to get to know for a long time if they'd like to hang out. Kiss someone you've been wanting to kiss. We are temporary and so is everyone else around us. We can't keep putting things off because people leave and die and move on. Circumstances change, things get flipped upside down in the blink of an eye. Nothing is guaranteed.

Rejection is scary, and universally one of the biggest fears people have. Because what if that guy doesn't like you back? What if you tell that girl you think she's pretty and she laughs in your face? What if you ask her out and she says no? It is scary to put yourself out there, and the words "I like you" or "you're beautiful" can seem downright impossible to say. But say them anyway. Because you never know who needs to hear them.

But, something worse than rejection, is regret. Because what if he does like you back? What if you have been on unofficial terms for weeks and you're tired of wasting your time waiting so you finally say "hey, I'm into you" and he says "hey, I'm into you back"? What if you tell that girl you think she's pretty and she gives you her number and you get to know each other? What if it goes right? Regret is what happens when you don't even give yourself the chance to be rejected. You can't live in fear of things going wrong, but in the hopes of things going right. Life's too damn short to close yourself off of possibilities just because you might fail. Because you will fail. But if you don't give yourself a chance to fail, you also close yourself off of the possibility to succeed.

Tell her she's beautiful. Ask him to hang out. Apply for a job that you probably won't get. Learn from your mistakes. Tell someone that you want to hold their body against yours and kiss them until everything feels better. Tell someone that they're a beautiful human being and you're lucky to have the chance to know them. Live life without thinking of tomorrow, because tomorrow might never come. Stop with the ambiguity because we aren't permanent and we are not guaranteed. If you want to hang out with him, tweet him, text him, DM him and ask him to hang out. If you want to kiss her, grab her by the waist and do it. If you're lucky or happy or blessed to have someone in your life, make sure they know it. Because they won't be there forever.

Be risky. Put yourself out there. Respond to a text the second you receive it. Let the people you appreciate know you appreciate them. If you don't want to do something, don't do it.  If you'd rather sit at home with your family and play board games instead of going to that party, do it. Stop feeling obligated to do things. Take cool pictures. Explore neat places. Kiss the guy or the girl that you want to kiss. Be the person you want to be without any reservations. Fall in love with yourself. Be the kind of person you want others to be inspired by. Inspire yourself. We are wonderful. We are strong. We are experiencing the amazing gift of human consciousness. Someone not liking us back will not ruin us. The only person who can ruin you is you. Don't.

sex/love

Love isn't sex. Screw that. Sex is sex. Sex is slamming your bodies together for pleasure. Whether you're in love or not, sex is sex and love is love. 

Because love isn't that simple. Love isn't something that can be over in less than a minute. Love isn't something that even the grossest and smallest creatures of the world can do. Love isn't something you can create with a stranger when you're desperate and drunk. Love isn't something that can mean the world or mean absolutely notning like it's some sort of either/or. Love can't be a mistake. 

Love is the way your eyes inadvertently light up when you think about that person. Love is that smile that creeps on your face when you're laying in bed. Love is humming his favorite song in the shower and thinking of him until you fall asleep. Love is wanting to grab him and kiss him as the rain pours down and there's a hundred people around. Love isn't an accident. Love isn't a drunken mistake. Love is the most passionate and beautiful thing a person can experience. Not sex. Love. Because when it's with someone you love, anything is beautiful and passionate. Even sitting on different chairs and watching Law & Order together. Maybe that should be called making love, too. 

neverstøpthinking

Your body has walked through the toughest of times, battered by the apathetic mystery of life. It has held the hands of people who didn't deserve to trace the pattern of your palms, and held tightly people who didn't deserve to feel the warmth of your skin. It has fallen, it has gotten back up, it has broken and it has healed. But despite all of that, there's a person out there who will touch the skin that blankets your bones and make your insides light up like the Fourth of July.

Your heart has broken into a million pieces, shaken by the cruelty and unfortunate fate of other people. It has beat through even on the days you felt it would crumble beneath the unbeatable weight inside of it. But despite that, there is someone who carefully picks up the shattered pieces and makes it some semblance of whole again.

Your mind is a battlefield, filled with thoughts you believe no one else has had and ever will have. Your head might be torn between beliefs and theories never entertained that seem beautifully absurd. But one day someone will kiss it and twist their fingers through the hair on top of it.

And that makes me happy to be alive. 

9 Things You Can Tell Me That I Will Never Believe

1.) "I never had an awkward phase."

Bull crap. Maybe because I had such an extensive and painful awkward stage I get mad when people deny theirs, but I know you had one and deep down, you know it too. Stop lying to yourself. Embrace your sparky flair jeans and butterfly clips. Embrace them.

2.) "I'm about to leave."

You're in the shower, please stop lying to me. This text generally means "I'm going to leave within the next two hours."

3.) "My dick is 10+ inches long."

I mean first off, congratulations. I'm glad you are anatomically more inclined in your nether regions and I'm glad you define yourself as the size of your schlong. That said, I don't even believe you. I mean, that's almost a foot! You expect me to believe that? You show me a comparison picture that proves your statement, and I'll believe you. Your words aren't enough to get me to believe you have 10/12ths of a ruler stashed in your pants.

4.) "I don't like pizza."

Pizza is not a preference. It's not a "you like it or you don't like it" situation. It's a "you like it or I question your mental stability" situation. Really? You don't like pizza? Do you also not like baby puppies and soldier homecomings? Don't tell me you don't like pizza, tell a shrink. They'll figure out what to do with you. 

5.) "I'm single because... *insert anything except "a guy and I aren't currently sharing mutual romantic feelings"*"

You want to be single for summer. Guys take up your time. You want to find yourself. Honestly, that's a load of crap. We do this thing where we feel the need to justify a reason why we aren't in a relationship. Why isn't "I don't like anyone" a good enough answer, or more probable, "no one is currently interested in pursuing me"? The only reason I'll believe is that there's just no one for you to date, which is a more than okay answer! Maybe in some situations you have a different reason, but I probably won't believe you. 

6.) "I love running."

Maybe you love the feeling of accomplishment afterward, but I will not believe that you genuinely enjoy the act of running. And if by some means you convince me that you do, I won't trust you as a person. Anyone who enjoys uncontrollable sweat in your eyes and the feeling of being buried alive can't be trusted. I think we can all mutually agree that the results from running are favorable, but no one actually loves running. 

7.) "I don't masturbate." 

I don't know why we feel like this needs to be said. It's mostly girls who claim this, and I suppose you could be telling the truth, but most people aren't. It's not a bad thing! Exploring your own likes and dislikes is a positive thing! Women get so defensive when it comes to masturbation. It's not just a guy thing... Women do it too and it's okay! If you say this, you're either lying out of embarrassment or it's true and you're missing out on a harmless and enjoyable thing. Stop trying to convince people it doesn't happen. It's perfectly natural and acceptable. Love yourself and don't be embarrassed about it. Why is it okay for guys to openly talk and tweet about "rubbing one out" but girls hide the fact that it happens like it's the worst thing in the world. It's okay! Just do you girl.... Literally. No shame in your game. 

8.) "I believe everything the bible says."

First, I don't even think that's possible. Like you can't know and remember EVERYTHING the bible says. But I mean, in a less literal sense, I don't believe when people say that every belief they have is directly out of the Christian word. How would you live without exploring different mind sets or giving yourself the freedom to decide what you believe? The bible is a beautiful tool and sets some guidelines, but I can't believe that anyone is so okay with their personal beliefs all being written down in a book. You have to have your own opinions or conflicts with SOME things. I can't believe that some people believe everything they believe simply because they think they're supposed to. 

9. "Taking my bra off isn't the best part of my day."

Unless your bra is like, Dave Franco's hands holding your girls all day, I can't bring myself to believe you. There is nothing better than the feeling of taking your bra off. I could win the lottery and getting home and taking my bra off would be the best thing that happened that day. You can have tolerable bras, hell, you can even have comfortable bras, but in the end, there is nothing better than free-boobin'.

10 Things We Need To Stop Doing, High Schoolers

1.) Walking the wrong way in the hallway/stairwell.

Listen, I'm not saying we should install traffic signs and lights and hire police officers to patrol the hallways, but I am saying it would probably be beneficial. The hallway is split down the middle. There's an invisible line that, you would think at this point, everyone would aware of but apparently they aren't and it needs to be addressed. If you are walking one direction, walk on the half of the hallway where the other people walking that direction are going. Follow the flow of traffic. On the stairs, DO NOT TRY TO GO UP IN A SEA OF PEOPLE GOING DOWN. It's honestly not that difficult. Y'all need some damn moving violation tickets so you'll learn how to carry yourself down the hallway because next time I'm walking on the left side with other people traveling in the same direction as me and someone plows through opposing my force, I'm gonna ticket your sorry ass with my foot. Lastly, if you're on the right side of the hallway and you need to get to a classroom on the left, do not bolt through a pack of 37 people. Wait until there's a gap in traffic and then go. If you're holding up traffic on the other side, move over a little bit. Stand there with your hypothetical blinker on, do a hand signal if necessary, and wait to make your turn. You wouldn't just plow your car through a line of traffic, have the same courtesy for your peers. 

2.) Constant contact with your significant other.

I'm not talking about making out and inappropriate touching, although rest assured I will. But I'm talking about cradling each other on the stairs landing, or holding hands so no one can get around you. I promise, the 4 minutes you spend blocking traffic with your lover aren't strengthening your relationship. I have a hard enough time getting around ONE person, let alone two that are attached at the hip. I'm done with your crap, couples. I'm not bitter because I don't have someone's body to cradle in the hallway, I'm bitter because I have to take into consideration the traffic blocking couples when determining my route to class. Your connection will not, well, should not falter if you aren't physically touching each other for 4 minutes. I'm sure you missed your man during the gut wrenching hour you spent apart, but please, let go of each other and walk to class like two civilized human beings. 

3. It's negative 3 degrees out, please put some clothes on.

Guys aren't turned on by your butt cheeks hanging out of your skirt. They're probably concerned for your health and safety. It is below 0 degrees, ladies. Want to wear a skirt or dress? Let me introduce you to my friend tights! You are physically hurting me when I am walking into school bundled into 17 jackets and your entire anatomy is exposed to the air. Maybe you think you look sexy. Ya know what's not sexy? Exposure to hypothermia. Frostbite. Your sexy legs won't look so sexy detached from your body. My hands got about 4 seconds of air exposure whilst walking into school and I truly felt like death was desirable compared to it. How are you walking into school with 3/4ths of your body uncovered? Do you have a mother? Until this, the coldest winter we have ever had, ceases it's freezing wrath, I'm going to need you to put a weather appropriate outfit and if you're not okay with that just stay home. I'm cold just looking at you.

4) Other outfit concerns

I would say, for the most part, our student body does an okay job of dressing themselves. I'm not the fashion police, nor am I the epitome of great outfit choice. That said, I at least look like I'm prepared to head into public, kind of. Honestly, what is the point of pajama pants? Are sweatpants, the EXACT same thing as pajama pants, just not cutting it for you? I'm the first person to admit I've come to school looking like a just rolled out of bed, but are you actually just rolling out of your bed and leaving? Leggings shouldn't be banned, pajama pants should. Also, there are some people who need all of the points on their dressing license deducted for multiple offenses. Some people literally look like they blindfolded themselves and just dove into their closet, picked 4 articles of clothing and threw them on without looking. Do you guys own mirrors? I understand clothing is about self expression but what you're saying about yourself is "I'm an idiot". I know school sucks, but don't be dressed like you just played dress up at a 4th grade birthday party. And don't dress like you're a hooker. If you have a nice ass, show it off in ya yoga pants, girl. Work it. Big boobs? Drop a little cleavage. Nice legs? Wear a dress or skirt, weather permitting. Nice stomach? Tight shirt. But don't put all of that together. And don't extend the limits. You're getting an education, not laid. 

5) Walking speed to class.

There's two extremes here. The first is incredulously slow walking. Pick up the pace, people. 4 minutes is a fine amount of travel time without you guys. You're like getting stuck behind a farming implement on the street. Be it because you're sexing your boyfriend, pulling up your sagging pants or just because you feel like taking your time, but it needs to stop. I'm done passing people. The school does not have dotted yellow lines, it's a no passing zone. It's dangerous to go around, but I would rather risk getting plowed by opposing traffic than moseying around behind your slow ass. On the opposite side of the spectrum, SLOW DOWN! What is the hurry? At the very most, you're saving yourself 30 seconds of time. Are you that excited to be the first to your class? You are putting you and others in danger by taking a full sprint to class, blasting through everything and everyone in your path. I'm enjoying an average and enjoyable trek to class, but lo and behold Usain Bolt comes plowing through like a bat out of hell with all of his belongings and determination directed right toward you. I shouldn't fear for my safety at school, but there is nothing like the fear of a sprinting maniac coming at you full force so he or she can get to class 14 seconds earlier. This needs to end.

6) Parking Lot Etiquette 

Please slow down, guys. I mean seriously. People are walking, pulling out, and it's icy. I understand you're eager to get home or in a hurry to get to work, but  you are losing less than a minute of your time by slowing down and driving safely. Also, turn your music down. If I want to listen to your music, I'll download it onto my own phone to listen to it in MY car. I don't need to see your car about to erupt because the bass is dropping at ungodly volumes, and I truly fear for the future of your eardrums, seeing as I can't hear the music in my own car over yours. I'm sure you love your music and want to share your insightful musical taste with the rest of your class, but don't. Turn it down. Lastly, WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE THINKING ITS OKAY TO JUST STOP? (I understand sometimes your jackass friends think it's funny to stand in front of your car and hold you up. HA ha, now everyone BEHIND your friend is pissed and late to their destination because you have a terrible sense of humor.) But why are you stopping an entire flow of traffic to have a conversation with a friend? Text them! Not while driving, please. But the 47 cars behind you probably aren't too keen on being late to work, or having to sit and wait for you and your friend to plan tomorrow's festivities. Once you're out of your spot, go. Don't stop for anything except other cars and stop signs. I'm done.

7) Screaming in the hallways.

Oh my God, hey girl! Hey! Omg you look so good today, like so good I want to SLAP YOU IN THE FACE! Why are you screaming? Your volume is fifty shades of unnecessary. I cannot wrap my head around why you need to pull all of your bodily forces together to make a screeching yell to address your friend. Does she not have a phone? Does she have a restraining order on you that doesn't permit you to move within 10 feet of her? In that case, ya probably shouldn't be yelling at her. But you really need to keep it down. Being deaf because freshman girls need to salute their friend every time they lay eyes on each other seems less than desirable. Text them. Talk to them when you're not a mile away from each other. I don't want your screams anymore. 

8) Taking up bathroom mirror space
I understand sometimes you hair doesn't look the way it did in the morning when you're balls deep in the school day. I know you laughed so hard you cried and your mascara smeared. But I will buy all of you hand held mirrors before I walk into 40 people in the bathroom fixing themselves when I'm just trying to pee. Your friend can't wipe off the smeared mascara for you? You can't grab your phone and check the way your hair looks? Use whatever means necessary, but I'm trying to wash and dry my hands and I have to maze my way through the VS Fashion Show dressing room to grab a paper towel. Next time, I'm drying my hands in your hair and you can't stop me. The bathroom is for going to the bathroom. It isn't beauty school. If no one is in the bathroom and you want to check your hair, or check yourself out in a full body mirror, go for it. No shame in your game, girl. But as soon as you are interrupting the bathroom's intended purpose so you can reapply some eyeliner, I'm done. You're going to get kicked out. The piece of hair that fell out of your ponytail can wait. I shouldn't feel like I'm at a general admission's concert and the mirror is the main act when I enter the bathroom. I should be able to walk in, do my thing, wash and dry my hands and leave without bumping into 13 girls fixing their makeup. Heaven forbid your makeup doesn't look flawless, but I'm on a mission and I'm not going to let a pack of narcissists and their messed up hair slow me down.

9)Thinking people are jealous of us
I have nary been in an argument with another girl who didn't accuse me, at some point, of being jealous of her. Apparently, the only reason high school people don't like each other is because of jealousy. To be honest, isn't that kind of elitist of you? Maybe they have a good point, but you aren't willing to look at the aspects of yourself that could use work and you chalk up people's dislike of you because you're just better than them. I speak for myself here, but I don't think I've ever started an argument with someone because I was jealous of them. Annoyed, maybe, but not jealous. If I don't like you, I can absolutely PROMISE you that it isn't because I want to be you. I don't understand when this started, but it needs to stop. I've done it too. We all do. But when someone says "you're annoying" and the other person says "you're just jealous", it's like.... no, you're actually just annoying. Insults generally don't translate into jealousy. I didn't say your relationship is obnoxious because I am jealous that you're in a relationship. I said your relationship was obnoxious because your relationship is legitimately obnoxious. Jealousy is a go to because it makes us feel better, but like, stop. Take into consideration other people's insults. You better yourself from criticism. Not from chalking up animosity to jealousy.

10) Inappropriate touching/kissing

I would choose to see most ANYTHING over watching people make out. If I can literally see your tongues invading each other's mouth, that's enough. WHY are you doing that during school? You look like you're making an, albeit, poorly funded porn and you're doing it in public! How do you feel comfortable doing that in front of your teachers? I don't need to see this. I've come to get a solid education, not a sexual education. I can't see why you find it necessary to play an aggressive game of tonsil hockey betwixt classes. SEVEN HOURS! That's how long you have to go without making out! I don't care what you do once you've left school, but please, let's aim to make the hallways a porn free zone. I already dread coming to school, and seeing you sucking face in the hallway doesn't make it any better. Also, touching has become something of a problem. Look, I don't know what it is about a math equation that makes you wanna fondle your boyfriend's ballsack during class, but if you could refrain from doing so, it would go beyond greatly appreciated. Stop hovering your hand around her V-palace, stop groping his inner thigh. I truly believe you are able to go an hour without intimate contact with one another, and if you can't, let your sex addicts anonymous group witness it and not your poor high school peers. I don't know why this is even an issue but get your ratchet hands off each other's genitals and learn a thing or too, ya nasties. I didn't come to school to watch you run the bases with your significant other. Your educational facility isn't the place to grope each other. I don't have a problem with you groping each other, I just don't want to see it. And rest assured, no one else wants to see it.

Playing Off Awkward Moments

The bottom line is, most of us are going to have an awkward moment or two in our lives. If you're me, you have an awkward moment or two every time you socialize with someone. We're all just people desperately trying to find out what the other person on the end of a group photo is doing with their arm. Lucky for you, I have encountered enough awkward moments to suffice for everyone, and I am here to give you my best insight as to how to play these off in the most subtle way possible.

Situation: You're belting out a song with a group of people and suddenly the music stops on a super high note. You're the only person who keeps singing.

Solution: You have to pretend you knew it was stopping but you could not scrounge up an F to give. It's embarrassing, yes, and the music never stops on a quiet, easy-to-nail note. No. It's the "I" in I Will Always Love You. It's the "we could have had it all" in Rolling in the Deep. But you, my friend, cannot let this take away from the volume you plan to belt it out with. You cannot fear. You must use all the force within you and continue singing as if you knew it was going to happen and you just don't care. There's no shame in your game, girl. No shame. 

Situation: You're taking a picture with someone and you go to put your arm around them and they don't return the favor. 

Solution: Honestly, what are you in, 6th grade? Unless you have a pre-planned pose for this picture or a mutual decision as to where your arms are going to go, THEY SHOULD GO AROUND EACH OTHER. This shouldn't be a problem, alas, it is. What do you do? Pretend they have a piece of hair or something of that nature on their shirt. Do not, under any circumstances, pull back. You grab that nonexistent piece of fuzz off of their shirt with CONFIDENCE, and then prepare for the picture in another manner. That's all you can do. Pulling back is awkward for you, but nothing, NOTHING will be more awkward than the picture with their arms at their sides while you reach around their neck. 

Situation: Someone is waving in your general direction and you wave back. They weren't waving at you.

Solution: Two can play this game. Pretend you're waving at someone behind THEM. Look past them, make sure they are able to tell that you aren't waving at them. Ha. That would be stupid. Just wave like there's no tomorrow. Someone will inevitably think you are waving at them, and just latch on. Hold that wave like Rose held onto the floating door. If there's no one behind them? You're swatting a fly. You aren't waving. You're swatting a fly.

Situation: Pronouncing something incorrectly. 

Solution: You have to devote yourself to this one, but you have to make them wholeheartedly believe that they are wrong. This is coming from a person who, until 2 months ago, thought it was "all intensive purposes". You OWN that mispronounced phrase. Tell them your cousin is an English major and her professor told her the correct way to say it. Make THEM feel like an idiot. Screw saying "oh haha oops" when you mess something up. Make the person who called you out feel like their presence in this WORLD is messing something up. 

Situation: You are at the very beginning of the story and you realize it's not going to be very funny.

Solution: You forgot what you were going to say. You remembered that your friend doesn't want anyone to know about it. It's featuring someone within earshot. Just get out of it using whatever route is necessary. 

Situation: Telling a story that you realize isn't funny at all once you reach the end.

Solution: Fabricate it. Channel your inner Steven Glass and just make the rest of it up. You are balls deep into this story. You are past the point of no return. You have to go big or go home. You can't be known as the person who spends 5 minutes telling a story that people can't even fake smiling at. Make someone die or get arrested. Have a naked man run through chanting battle songs. I don't know. Whatever you see fit. But until you get the response you were aiming for, do not stop. 

Situation: Someone is holding a door for you but you're too far away to get there quickly at a walking pace but you don't want to jog/You are holding a door and realize the person is too far away to get there quickly at a walking pace/they don't want to jog

Solution: The solution should be to establish a zone where holding the door is acceptable. In front of every door is a certain color on the ground and if someone is within that area, the door can be held. If not, close the door and MOVE ON. That said, until that happens, we're gonna have to continue playing it off. If you're the one entering the door, the awkward moment is on THEM. You look down. Check your phone. Look around for something. Do not let them know that you know they're holding the door. That way you don't feel the need to up your speed to a light jog and they don't feel like they've just ruined your week. If you're the person holding the door, look preoccupied. Don't stare them down. Become the designated door holder. Make them believe that you aren't holding the door for them, YOU ARE HOLDING THE DOOR FOR EVERYONE. (This requires what could be a day's worth of dedication, because you must 1- continue holding until they can't see you anymore and 2- stay out of their way for however long is necessary because as the door holder, you wouldn't be walking around later. Dodge that person with everything you have)

Situation: A server says "have a nice meal." A ticket ripper says "enjoy your movie". You say "you too!"

Solution: There is two options you could go for here, the former probably being the one you should go for but hey. The first option is to laugh it off. It probably happens all the time. It'll be an obligatory laugh from both parties but it will be over. The second is to praise The Lord for homonyms. Quickly, you must turn your "too" into "two" and find two people close to you. Then say "you two... look so nice!" Then casually smile at the employee and say thank you. (Although, the first is really the one to go for. If you were cool enough to pull the second one off, you probably wouldn't have told your waiter to enjoy his food)

Situation: You hug someone goodbye and then you both end up walking the same way.

Solution: As SOON as you realize you've stepped in the same direction, turn around and go the other way, hopefully before the other person notices. The world is round. You will get to your car eventually.

Situation: You're internet stalking your new love interest. You just liked his picture from middle school that he forgot he even posted.

Solution: Another twofold. You can literally go big or go home. You can play it off as if you never did it and hopefully he'll bring it up as a joke on your 12th date. Or you can like the rest of his pictures. All of them. Then promptly give

yourself a pep talk telling yourself to get over him because now the relationship is a lost cause. 

Situation: Going for a high five that doesn't get recepted.

Solution: There's very, very few things more awkward than this one. Kristen Stewart hardly even rivals it. You're holding your hand out but no one has noticed. You can't be like "hey hey" and get their attention because that makes a repugnant situation 10x worse. Start squinting your eyes and staring at your hand as if something is on it. You aren't anticipating a high five, you're administering a 5-star self hand evaluation. Then if someone finally notices you, they'll high five back. But you're just looking at your hand. Awkward for them! You've just turned the tables.

Situation: Asking what looks like an employee for something and surprise! They're not an employee.

Solution: Lie. Make it convincing. "Oh, I know! You just look like you shop here a lot, and I figured you would know!" Or "the customer service is so bad here so I figured the shoppers gotta stick together!" Whatever. If you ask them to get something from the back? Walk away silently and never enter the store again. 

Situation: Stepping to the left to get out of someone's way, but they step the same way to get out of your way.

Solution: Break into a impromptu hip hop dance. Honestly, no one will feel more uncomfortable than them, and the aim is to make YOU feel less awkward. Put the discomfort on someone else. That's the name of the game, friends. 

An Open Letter to Yourself

  You always get screwed over. You're nice and you let people take advantage of that. You give out second and third chances because you believe people can change, even when they repeatedly prove to you that they don't. You expect everyone to look at life and love the same way you do, and you expect people to do things you would do for them. Your standards aren't even incredibly high but you always pick people who barely reach them. You promise yourself you won't get attached and you inevitably do, and then you get hurt. But you won't lose your trust.

   You get knocked down, a lot. You're chosen as a second option, or completely left behind. Not for any reason other than someone else is better. It's not that you are a bad person, but someone's got you beat. They're prettier, they're funnier, they're better. You try and try but for some reason, you just can't win. But you won't lose your ability to try again.

    "You're not pretty enough," you tell yourself. "You just aren't worthy of them." You start to bring yourself down in order to justify, when in reality, they're not worthy of you. But right when it happens, you can't tell yourself that. You're stuck in a pit of self pity. You don't think you're good enough. But you are. And you won't lose your sense of self worth.

    The bottom line is that you can't be everyone's cup of tea. You can't be the perfect girl you so desire to be for every boy you meet. Putting yourself out there means getting hurt, but it also means getting stronger. You have decided you're not going to be one of those girls who can't be with someone because someone else took away her trust in the male population. Anyone who isn't able to see all of the beauty within you doesn't deserve to jeopardize any future relationships with someone who will. So keep trusting. Keep trying. And keep being the person you are, because one day, it will be the person someone is looking for.

    One day, someone will remind you that you're good enough. They will remind you that you're wonderful. They will remind you that you are worthy of love. Keep going. One day, someone is going to love you for every quirk you have. They will accept you for every flaw. They will want to explore every nook and cranny of your mind and desire to fall in love with you more and more each day. But before that can happen, you have to do those things for yourself. You must know you are good enough. You must know how wonderful you are. You must know that you are worthy to love and to be loved. You have to love the quirks you have, and accept your flaws. You have to explore your mind, and love yourself for what you find there. You can't expect someone else to love you if you can't even love yourself. And there's no reason not to.

   I know someone may have told you differently, but you are incredible. I know someone may have tried to hold you back, but you will be successful. I know it seems hopeless now, but you will be happy. I know it may seem impossible, but you will love the person you will become. I know that the relationships you have endured have shown differently, but you will find someone. And I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you will be okay.

You Are Better Than Me: A Walk Through My Middle School Years

Before I start, I would like to extend my deepest apologies to anyone I embarrass in the making of this post. 

Okay, the bottom line is that middle schoolers these days are -- God forbid -- normal. They dress like regular people, talk like regular people and ARE regular people. So, the purpose of this post is threefold. 

1) I want people to know that this is what middle schoolers used to be.

2) I'm notorious for accidentally offending people. So next time I say you're ugly, look at this and consider the source. I say your selfie is bad? Look no further. You get the point. You're probably better than me.

3) I want someone else to laugh at me, because laughing alone at these in my room isn't cutting it.

Without further aideau, here are the top shots I selected off of my Photobucket account to prove that you are better than me. 

A lot of questions go along with this. Who took it is the first one. Who let this photo be taken? I mean, I had to trust them if they were in my house, but they let this happen? Second, why is my shirt green? That doesn't match. Third, was my name really necessary in the bottom corner? Anyway, this may look bad but this is only just the beginning.

One thing I was notorious for in middle school was not actually getting myself in the picture. You can see me sassily holding the back end of my ponytail, but the focus is really on the other subject. Also, take a look at the one beady eye I allowed in the shot. Contrasts nicely with my ghost white face from my cell phone flash. 

So you're telling me that gay people can't get married, but I was allowed to take this and post it? 

I don't know where the inspiration came from for this shot, but you would have to assume hell. I'm not even going to ADDRESS the over saturation, but that same face makes an appearance in every single picture. The only thing I changed was the letter and camera angle. I really loved this, too.

Why show emotion? Pictures aren't for smiling! But God forbid a peace sign isn't thrown up! And for the love of God, that mirror was the size of the wall but for some reason I'm half hidden and just peeping myself into the shot. I probably just came up out of nowhere and snapped the picture. 

The peace sign strikes again! Multiple concerns with this picture. One, we are at school why is our hair like that? Why did I go to school with that rats best on top of my head? What is that facial expression? Why didn't everyone think I was a lesbian? Did everyone think I was a lesbian? Honestly, this shot epitomizes middle school for me. 

One of my personal favorites. The main focus of the picture is the trash can. I used a very, very unimportant twilight quote that had NOTHING to do with the picture, and then I cited it (duh) at the bottom with a little smiley face. My main concern: Why am I holding a bottle of nail polish?

Just a few things you should know: I wasn't talking to anyone, the phone didn't even work for that matter, and I spent a very long time trying for the best hairdo, which I eventually decided on the high side ponytail. Wouldn't want my hair getting in the way of my important phone call on a non-working phone!!

I don't play guitar. There's the broken phone again! Where am I looking? Why is my guitar laying flat? You're not fooling anyone. Cool socks, though. 

This is a favorite for a lot of reasons. One: literally 1/100th of my room is in this shot and I couldn't take the pair of pajama pants out of it. Two: you know this happened directly after I nailed my guitar shot. Three: what am I thinking? Probably something along the lines of "this is what it feels like to have no friends". All in all a really dramatic piece. 

Love lockdown? Why is lockdown typed and LOVE written out in actual handwriting? Whose glasses are those? Why am I making that face? I didn't even listen to the song Love Lockdown? 

This might be my actual favorite. The facial expression, the eyeliner falling off of my face, the tank top just peaking out below my shirt and the spandex pulled just a little too long. The shrug, the suave "I'm better than you" look I'm giving off by my stance. It has all a photo needs. It's brilliant. It's art.

If you'd like to text me, I can send you 9 more pictures that look almost identical to this, but I'm not going to put them all here. Bottom line is we went to a Bloom Carroll basketball game (not a foreign concept, I've been going since I was a fetus and Leah has probably been to about 20), and we took a picture of everything we did, carefully including at least one pair of crazy socks in each one. God forbid the 3 people who liked us didn't know we were wearing crazy socks. 

Why? 

Earlier, in the bathing suit picture, I mentioned I may have just snuck up on her and snapped a shot? Well, I actually did that for these ones. Who are these people? I vaguely know who they are now, but I can say with complete certainty I hadn't talked to 3/4 of them when I snapped these pictures. I'm pretty sure they're all 2 years behind me, if anyone wants an idea of my social standings.

Who is this kid? More importantly, why is my hand up his shirt? I think it's actually my cousin.. But why is my hand up his shirt?

What was I writing? The world may never know. Was I wearing a shirt? Probably, but it's inconclusive. Where am I? The floor of my office, thanks for asking. Are you better than me? Yes.

So here we are. Let's get to business. The first thing to point out is that that is a dress. Yep. But why wear it for it's intended purpose? Psh, that seems silly. I know! I'll throw some spandex on and my skater vans and it will look great! Brilliant! But my hair looks ba--- oh well. Trust me, your cool outfit and rocking body will steak the spotlight.

Unrelated: the email account I made my Photobucket account off of was "edwardcullen.twilight22@gmail.com"

I am going to give props to myself for doing my hair and makeup for this pic, as it's been made clear that that wasn't exactly a priority of mine. The best part about this shot is the text. Not only it's weird placement, but the word itself. "Irrevocable". Unchangable. Unable to be altered. A nice thought, but I will have you know that a) I didn't know what the word meant, but it was used in Twilight so throw it on there! And b) it was probably in my best interest to be changed 

The final picture takes the cake for best everything. The angle? Classic. The nonchalant hand? Perfectly placed. The chucks RIGHT on the air vent's edge? Beautiful. The emphasis on my uncaring, "idgaf" facial expression? Priceless. But what sets it apart from the rest is the text. I'm nothing special, I say. Just another girl named Sara. Capitalization of every word because everything is equally important. Almost a tear inducing shot. A thing of beauty. •