Thursday, January 2, 2014

You Are Better Than Me: A Walk Through My Middle School Years

Before I start, I would like to extend my deepest apologies to anyone I embarrass in the making of this post. 

Okay, the bottom line is that middle schoolers these days are -- God forbid -- normal. They dress like regular people, talk like regular people and ARE regular people. So, the purpose of this post is threefold. 
1) I want people to know that this is what middle schoolers used to be.
2) I'm notorious for accidentally offending people. So next time I say you're ugly, look at this and consider the source. I say your selfie is bad? Look no further. You get the point. You're probably better than me.
3) I want someone else to laugh at me, because laughing alone at these in my room isn't cutting it.

Without further aideau, here are the top shots I selected off of my Photobucket account to prove that you are better than me. 

A lot of questions go along with this. Who took it is the first one. Who let this photo be taken? I mean, I had to trust them if they were in my house, but they let this happen? Second, why is my shirt green? That doesn't match. Third, was my name really necessary in the bottom corner? Anyway, this may look bad but this is only just the beginning.


One thing I was notorious for in middle school was not actually getting myself in the picture. You can see me sassily holding the back end of my ponytail, but the focus is really on the other subject. Also, take a look at the one beady eye I allowed in the shot. Contrasts nicely with my ghost white face from my cell phone flash. 

So you're telling me that gay people can't get married, but I was allowed to take this and post it? 

I don't know where the inspiration came from for this shot, but you would have to assume hell. I'm not even going to ADDRESS the over saturation, but that same face makes an appearance in every single picture. The only thing I changed was the letter and camera angle. I really loved this, too.

Why show emotion? Pictures aren't for smiling! But God forbid a peace sign isn't thrown up! And for the love of God, that mirror was the size of the wall but for some reason I'm half hidden and just peeping myself into the shot. I probably just came up out of nowhere and snapped the picture. 

The peace sign strikes again! Multiple concerns with this picture. One, we are at school why is our hair like that? Why did I go to school with that rats best on top of my head? What is that facial expression? Why didn't everyone think I was a lesbian? Did everyone think I was a lesbian? Honestly, this shot epitomizes middle school for me. 


One of my personal favorites. The main focus of the picture is the trash can. I used a very, very unimportant twilight quote that had NOTHING to do with the picture, and then I cited it (duh) at the bottom with a little smiley face. My main concern: Why am I holding a bottle of nail polish?

Just a few things you should know: I wasn't talking to anyone, the phone didn't even work for that matter, and I spent a very long time trying for the best hairdo, which I eventually decided on the high side ponytail. Wouldn't want my hair getting in the way of my important phone call on a non-working phone!!

I don't play guitar. There's the broken phone again! Where am I looking? Why is my guitar laying flat? You're not fooling anyone. Cool socks, though. 

This is a favorite for a lot of reasons. One: literally 1/100th of my room is in this shot and I couldn't take the pair of pajama pants out of it. Two: you know this happened directly after I nailed my guitar shot. Three: what am I thinking? Probably something along the lines of "this is what it feels like to have no friends". All in all a really dramatic piece. 

Love lockdown? Why is lockdown typed and LOVE written out in actual handwriting? Whose glasses are those? Why am I making that face? I didn't even listen to the song Love Lockdown? 

This might be my actual favorite. The facial expression, the eyeliner falling off of my face, the tank top just peaking out below my shirt and the spandex pulled just a little too long. The shrug, the suave "I'm better than you" look I'm giving off by my stance. It has all a photo needs. It's brilliant. It's art.

If you'd like to text me, I can send you 9 more pictures that look almost identical to this, but I'm not going to put them all here. Bottom line is we went to a Bloom Carroll basketball game (not a foreign concept, I've been going since I was a fetus and Leah has probably been to about 20), and we took a picture of everything we did, carefully including at least one pair of crazy socks in each one. God forbid the 3 people who liked us didn't know we were wearing crazy socks. 


Why? 

Earlier, in the bathing suit picture, I mentioned I may have just snuck up on her and snapped a shot? Well, I actually did that for these ones. Who are these people? I vaguely know who they are now, but I can say with complete certainty I hadn't talked to 3/4 of them when I snapped these pictures. I'm pretty sure they're all 2 years behind me, if anyone wants an idea of my social standings.

Who is this kid? More importantly, why is my hand up his shirt? I think it's actually my cousin.. But why is my hand up his shirt?


What was I writing? The world may never know. Was I wearing a shirt? Probably, but it's inconclusive. Where am I? The floor of my office, thanks for asking. Are you better than me? Yes.

So here we are. Let's get to business. The first thing to point out is that that is a dress. Yep. But why wear it for it's intended purpose? Psh, that seems silly. I know! I'll throw some spandex on and my skater vans and it will look great! Brilliant! But my hair looks ba--- oh well. Trust me, your cool outfit and rocking body will steak the spotlight.

Unrelated: the email account I made my Photobucket account off of was "edwardcullen.twilight22@gmail.com"


I am going to give props to myself for doing my hair and makeup for this pic, as it's been made clear that that wasn't exactly a priority of mine. The best part about this shot is the text. Not only it's weird placement, but the word itself. "Irrevocable". Unchangable. Unable to be altered. A nice thought, but I will have you know that a) I didn't know what the word meant, but it was used in Twilight so throw it on there! And b) it was probably in my best interest to be changed 

The final picture takes the cake for best everything. The angle? Classic. The nonchalant hand? Perfectly placed. The chucks RIGHT on the air vent's edge? Beautiful. The emphasis on my uncaring, "idgaf" facial expression? Priceless. But what sets it apart from the rest is the text. I'm nothing special, I say. Just another girl named Sara. Capitalization of every word because everything is equally important. Almost a tear inducing shot. A thing of beauty. •

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