Bull crap. Maybe because I had such an extensive and painful awkward stage I get mad when people deny theirs, but I know you had one and deep down, you know it too. Stop lying to yourself. Embrace your sparky flair jeans and butterfly clips. Embrace them.
2.) "I'm about to leave."
You're in the shower, please stop lying to me. This text generally means "I'm going to leave within the next two hours."
3.) "My dick is 10+ inches long."
I mean first off, congratulations. I'm glad you are anatomically more inclined in your nether regions and I'm glad you define yourself as the size of your schlong. That said, I don't even believe you. I mean, that's almost a foot! You expect me to believe that? You show me a comparison picture that proves your statement, and I'll believe you. Your words aren't enough to get me to believe you have 10/12ths of a ruler stashed in your pants.
4.) "I don't like pizza."
Pizza is not a preference. It's not a "you like it or you don't like it" situation. It's a "you like it or I question your mental stability" situation. Really? You don't like pizza? Do you also not like baby puppies and soldier homecomings? Don't tell me you don't like pizza, tell a shrink. They'll figure out what to do with you.
5.) "I'm single because... *insert anything except "a guy and I aren't currently sharing mutual romantic feelings"*"
You want to be single for summer. Guys take up your time. You want to find yourself. Honestly, that's a load of crap. We do this thing where we feel the need to justify a reason why we aren't in a relationship. Why isn't "I don't like anyone" a good enough answer, or more probable, "no one is currently interested in pursuing me"? The only reason I'll believe is that there's just no one for you to date, which is a more than okay answer! Maybe in some situations you have a different reason, but I probably won't believe you.
6.) "I love running."
Maybe you love the feeling of accomplishment afterward, but I will not believe that you genuinely enjoy the act of running. And if by some means you convince me that you do, I won't trust you as a person. Anyone who enjoys uncontrollable sweat in your eyes and the feeling of being buried alive can't be trusted. I think we can all mutually agree that the results from running are favorable, but no one actually loves running.
7.) "I don't masturbate."
I don't know why we feel like this needs to be said. It's mostly girls who claim this, and I suppose you could be telling the truth, but most people aren't. It's not a bad thing! Exploring your own likes and dislikes is a positive thing! Women get so defensive when it comes to masturbation. It's not just a guy thing... Women do it too and it's okay! If you say this, you're either lying out of embarrassment or it's true and you're missing out on a harmless and enjoyable thing. Stop trying to convince people it doesn't happen. It's perfectly natural and acceptable. Love yourself and don't be embarrassed about it. Why is it okay for guys to openly talk and tweet about "rubbing one out" but girls hide the fact that it happens like it's the worst thing in the world. It's okay! Just do you girl.... Literally. No shame in your game.
8.) "I believe everything the bible says."
First, I don't even think that's possible. Like you can't know and remember EVERYTHING the bible says. But I mean, in a less literal sense, I don't believe when people say that every belief they have is directly out of the Christian word. How would you live without exploring different mind sets or giving yourself the freedom to decide what you believe? The bible is a beautiful tool and sets some guidelines, but I can't believe that anyone is so okay with their personal beliefs all being written down in a book. You have to have your own opinions or conflicts with SOME things. I can't believe that some people believe everything they believe simply because they think they're supposed to.
9. "Taking my bra off isn't the best part of my day."
Unless your bra is like, Dave Franco's hands holding your girls all day, I can't bring myself to believe you. There is nothing better than the feeling of taking your bra off. I could win the lottery and getting home and taking my bra off would be the best thing that happened that day. You can have tolerable bras, hell, you can even have comfortable bras, but in the end, there is nothing better than free-boobin'.
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